the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
