Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
