I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize