me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
