The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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