All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
