I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
