The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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