I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
