is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
