whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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