so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
