I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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