There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
