i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize