You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
