i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
