I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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