Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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