I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize