Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
