I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
