I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
