My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
