My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
