i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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