So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
