barbara walters just said penis...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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