it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize