just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
