So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
