About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
