why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
