i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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