he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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