Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
