Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to sanitize my soul.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
