I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
