idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize