Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
