I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
