Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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