she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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