I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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