I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
