his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
