I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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