If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
