Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
