i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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