toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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