Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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