Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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