im holly from the hills drunk
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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