Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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