We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize