You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
