Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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