Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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