i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
