I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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