your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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