Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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