This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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